Martyred by the Persians: Benjamin the Deacon

corndog_outsideSo, I figured being baked inside a brazen ox was the height of sadistic creativity I’d experience while reading the Martyrs Mirror. I was wrong. And still, I have found nothing to match its poetic visual. It’s early yet.

Anyway, poor Benjamin’s tale was a cringer. Imagine this scene. You’re standing in the court of the King of Persia in 456 C.E. when you hear the king deliver this proclamation: “Benjamin, you are hereby sentenced to death. You will be taken to a place of lawful execution and anally penetrated with a thorny rod until dead.” This is, of course, after they’ve already shoved splinters under the man’s nails.

Apparently, the king was especially pissed because he let Benjamin out of prison one time on the condition that he keep his big, preachy mouth shut. Benjamin, predictably, did not.

This story established two things for me. First, don’t eff with the Iranians. Second, the New York City police department is a big bunch of copycats.

I love the euphemisms used by both the Mirror and some online sites. Some entries say Benjamin was impaled or call the implement of execution a “knobby stick.” But this was no quick death by a sex toy. According to the Mirror:

…[The King] ordered the executioners to prepare a knotty stick, which by cutting away the branches was made as sharp as a stick of thorns. This he caused to be thrust into the nether part of this body and then pulled backwards and forwards until the faithful servent … ended his life…



One Response to “Martyred by the Persians: Benjamin the Deacon”

  1. OriginalSinnick Says:

    An interesting emtological note. This is the origin of shish kebab. Kebab, in the Persian language, meaning knobby or thorny stick and shish, to skewer. :-)

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